"Working from home" for me looks a little bit like this: wake up, walk around in circles, eat breakfast, walk around in circles some more, stare at the computer, go on a hike, stare at the computer some more, walk around in circles some more, eat lunch, stare at the computer, read Texas Monthly/Rolling Stone/Vanity Fair, walk around in circles, eat a snack, stare at the computer, realize, oh shit, it's five o'clock, I should start "working from home" now, stare at the computer with a sense of purpose. I have now been in this final phase for an hour and a half, and am about ready to call it a day. Does this count as a successful attempt at "working from home?" Methinks I need a bit more practice...or maybe a little hit of adderall...
Luckily, I don't think my bosses will flog me for not having accomplished a terrible amount of work today. This is one of the perks of my current j-o-b. There are many perks, which I call a good thing, especially given that I get paid veeeeeerrrryyy little. Weezer mentioned the other day that she got paid $500 a week when she started out her residency. Oh, one can dare to dream! $500 a week?! That sounds pretty good to this little lady...and that's what Weezer got paid 30 years ago, pre-inflation.
To supplement my meager income, I have decided to get a part time job. My first thought was Whole Foods. Here are my reasons for setting my sights on Whole Foods:
a) people still need to eat food during recessions, so grocery stores are probably still hiring
b) grocery stores have to open early and close pretty late, so I could probably work early morning and evening shifts, allowing me to work during the day at Metanoia
c) Whole Foods has health benefits, which I do not currently have and a fact which makes me nervous all the time...every time I get in my car I say to myself, "Self, do not get in a wreck, because if you get injured, you are seriously up a creek"...perhaps I should be focused on the more obvious reasons to avoid injury
d) my cousin, Susie, says there are cute boys at Whole Foods, and meeting cute boys is never a bad thing, even if they are the dreadlocked crunchy granola type, or really, I should say, especially if they are the dreadlocked crunchy granola type
I was excited to see online that the new Whole Foods in Venice is hiring and eagerly submitted an application. At the very least I'll get an interview, I thought. When I hadn't heard back in a few days, I marched my little self into the store to apply in person. An overly-pierced cashier told me that you can't apply in person, you have to do it online. Damn. What is the world coming to when you can't charm your way into a job?! Being charming is just falling by the wayside. Not only can you not charm your way into a job, radar cameras make it impossible for a gal to charm her way out of a traffic ticket. I don't like it, I tell you, not one little bit.
Well, even though I had little confidence in this online system, I resigned myself to it. I even began to pep myself up a little bit. I mean, my resume is pretty dece. Or so I thought. I just got an email from Whole Foods saying that I don't have the qualifications to fill the position. Seriously?! So much for that college edumacation! What's it gonna take for a gal to get a job stocking grocery shelves?! I guess Whole Foods is kind of the Ivy League of grocery stores. Looks like I'm going to have to lower the bar a little bit. Maybe the 711 is hiring. Now that'd be a job with perks...minimum wage plus free slurpees would be a significant raise.
